


I Get No Kick From Champagne

by HerbertBest



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Drunk Sex, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Marathon Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 19:37:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9509597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/pseuds/HerbertBest
Summary: Dan is just a little bit tipsy, and just a little bit amorous.  Holly's not sure how she feels about champagne, but she knows how she feels about Dan...





	

**Author's Note:**

> From a prompt at my Tumblr: Drunk, horny Dan dirty talking Holly. Lots & lots & LOTS of dirty talk!

It took exactly one glass of champagne for Dan to get tipsy. This being a special occasion Holly wasn’t monitoring his intake, wasn't worried about how it would mix with his medication, not doing anything but watching him glow in his personal victory.

Three glasses in – when the party was dissolving and she’d had enough herself – they were in an elevator and Dan leaned tipsily in.

“Hey baby,” he said, heaving his head onto her shoulder, “did I ever tell you I punched a clown?”

“Yes, sweetie,” Holly said, playing with her bag strap as she nudged the elevator door open, her other hand finding Dan’s warm, dry palm. “I was there.”

Dan continued to babble on about his punching prowess while Holly took him to the car and drove him back to his house. It was cavernous in there without any lights to guide her way, and by the time Dan had shimmied out of his leather jacket, trailing sneakers and socks up the stairway, she was already a couple of feet behind him. They met up in the hallway, and he loosely pinned her against the wall.

“Hi!” he said cheerfully, kissing her forehead.

“Hi,” she retorted, and Dan leaned into her form, sniffing her hair. “Oh sweetie, you are so blasted…”

“You smell so nice,” he sighed. “Like sunshine and strawberries.”

“More like the pigeon loft,” she said airily. “You are way too drunk to be flirting with me.”

“N’uh,” Dan said. “Still know by A-B-Cs. Want me to show you?”

She squinted up at him. “Are you actually leering at me?”

“I..think so? That’s totally you, right?” 

Holly sighed and grabbed Dan’s hand once more, pulling him into the bedroom. He shed his teeshirt and tried to shimmy out of his jeans, but with this he needed help. She sat him on the bed and unbuckled the belt, unzipped the snaps and pulled it down his legs. 

She flopped onto the bed beside him, kicking her heels off. Dan slumped sideways and onto his elbow, grinning at her.

“Dan,” she said. “You’re way too drunk for this.”

“Excalibur says I’m not.”

“Excalibur doesn’t get a vote,” she said. But Dan’s head was on her shoulder, and he was sloppily kissing her neck. 

“Hollyy,” he was singing her name, burying his face into her skin, tumbling onto her belly to bury his face between her breasts. 

“There isn’t enough down there for you to motorboat,” she said.

“Not true. You’re all soft and yummy.” 

“Yummy?” she snort-laughed. “Porn stars are yummy. You know that, don’t you?”

He frowned up at her through a halo of curls.“I don’t wanna porn star. Want my Holly.” He kept nosing the fabric of the dress’ bodice down – lucky for him there was a sewn-in shelf bra tied to this particular sundress, so it didn’t take much effort to get the bodice down and his mouth around a nipple. 

Electric sparks danced up and down Holly’s spine as Dan laved at her breast, pulling very carefully at the tip with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue. Dan knew what to do, even when he was too inebriated to be particularly sophisticated, and Holly tucked her fingers into his hair and wriggled to push the dress down a couple more inches.

The dry texture of his hair crackled against her palms as Dan moved to the other breast, giving it equal treatment, switching back and forth, making loud ‘mwah!’ noises just to make her giggle. 

“Dan!” Her belly rippled when he did it again, and he nuzzled her, prickly stubble making an interesting contrast with his silky tongue and hot breath. 

“Shh, I’m enjoying my candy,” he teased, pinching her other nipple.

“Now I’m candy?!”

“You’re the sweetest person in the world,” he said sincerely, then added, “No, you’re like a five course banquet at some fancy six star hotel,” he said. “The kind where you get those cool breath mints afterwards.”

Her nose wrinkled. “Dan?”

“Mmm?”

“Please stop talking.”

He sucked her right nipple before slipping down her body, trailing red fabric in his wake. The dress made it over her hips and just under her thighs before Dan faceplanted between her legs and smiled up at Holly. 

“I can smell how hot you are for me,” he said. “So wet and all…turned on…and stuff.” He kissed her through her panties.

Holly could feel her own wetness but the comment made her groan. “It sounds like you’re going to feast on my soul.”

“No baby,” he grinned. “Not your soul…”

His look combined playfulness and a predatory glint. Holly’s legs trembled as she parted them for him, and then Dan deliberately kissed her upon the rise of her sex, then nuzzled her labia through the underwear.

“God, you’re soaking wet,” he breathed. She could feel the gusty impact of his breath against the material, proving his words to be true, and somehow making them feel even wetter.

“You’ve been playing with my boobs for hours,” she murmured.

“That wasn’t a complaint,” he said, nudging her open with his cheeks, with the tip of his nose, until she was spread for him. Then he took her panties between his teeth at the gusset and tugged them to the side. 

Holly felt incredibly exposed at this angle, prone as she was, and Dan’s hungry, worshipful expression told her all she needed to know about how he felt about her.

“Fuck,” he mumbled. His fingers parted her before he nuzzled his nose against her and sighed gustily, inhaling the scent of her, and then licking her swollen flesh.

Holly made a gutshot noise, all of her clenching down against nothing as Dan took his clumsy time. He was licking at her; teasing her, his tongue everywhere he could cram it. 

Dan pulled away, shoved his hair back over his shoulder. “You taste so good,” he mumbled, shoving his face back into her. His next words were muffled but Holly could hear them. “God, you’re so hot...”

“Dan!” she squirmed against the sheets. 

“You’re pink and wet and swollen and open and _hot_ , and no one else can do this to me like you can.” 

He confirmed his thought by licking her – the whole length of her sex before concentrating on her clit. 

Holly was moaning regularly now, thought she couldn’t even hear herself over her mounting tension. Dan was panting into her sex. He parted her with his thumb and index finger. “Babe,” he mumbled, and then dove in with his tongue, quick shallow strokes into her sex. 

Holly’s thighs slammed shut against Dan’s ears and he got his hands around each one, pushing her onto her back, bowing her into a ball and fastening his lips about her clit. He licked her gently, teasingly, making her stomach muscles pancake into a solid wall of trembling flesh before he started deliberately humming.

Holly screeched. Her heels hammered his shoulder blades. Tension rushed up the back of her legs, the soles of her feet, the place where she was tense and pulsing as she came at last. 

In the mind-deadening space between she felt Dan kissing her pussy, then realized he wasn’t going to stop. She didn’t notice he was trying the alphabet trick until his pattern changed. He tried to make an ‘a’ but was off a few inches. By the time he got to a lopsided b Holly’s fingers were buried in his hair and tugging. His turn to groan, but this one was all around her clitoris.

One finger filled her up, and when she whined at his sudden invasion he made a sound of gentle apology. Involving the flat of his tongue he teased around her clit, the little fat tip of it, before going back to letters. 

By the time he got to ‘o’ she was shaking and crying again. She whipped her head back and stared thoughtlessly at the ceiling as she rode his face through her orgasm.

Those climaxes were getting progressively stronger, and when he finger-fucked her through another one she winched herself upward, turning to liquid, gushing over his fingers.

He froze in shock. “Fuck,” Dan repeated, staring in awe at her, at his own hand. “I’ve never…”

“I’m just lucky,” muttered Holly, not wanting his words as she shook. “Dan, I don’t think I can…”

“One more?” he stuck out his bottom lip. She noticed how wet his whole face was then, that his lips were even slightly swollen from pleasuring her. 

Two fingers inside of her, his lips on her clit. It didn’t take much to bring her off. With his tongue lashing her clit she came and came, her body twisting against Dan’s mouth, but he refused to let up. He licked her, fingered her, until she ripped him away from her sex by his hair.

Dan was instantly apologetic, though Holly couldn’t hear him as she curled up and panted. He was still talking when he rested his face on the rise of her hip.

“Sorry,” Dan panted. “You tasted so good, and you’re so soft and sweet…so comfy…”

Holly’s exhausted reply was cut off by the buzz of Dan’s snoring. Only he would fall asleep against her in the weirdest position possible. He was bone-hard against her ass as she re-arranged their limbs, but Dan didn’t wake up. His pleasure would be something they’d take care of in the morning, a hangover cure, a posset against the pain.

She couldn’t decide if she wanted to ban champagne from the house or introduce more of it as she drifted off, Dan’s drunken midnight sounds sending her into a dreamless and deep sleep.


End file.
